Selective hearing

Mum had a fall last night. She tried to use the commode and slipped off.  It was only when my husband starting pushing me, that I realised that the loud ringing I could hear was her calling for help!

All the years I cared for my daughter, I seemed to sense in advance if she was ill.  Even though she no longer lives with us, I still know when she is unwell.  For some reason I just don’t hear my mum!!  I have a video camera in the room with 2 way audio as well as a doorbell and I still don’t hear her.

Tonight she had to press the watch alarm.  I just managed to get to the phone before they turned up.  I forgot to tell them that mum was sleeping in the front room, so they are likely to bound up the stairs into our bedroom one night! Think I had better get that one sorted out early on.

It was a real struggle to pick her up.  I didn’t want to ask my husband as he has been ill himself lately and also has a bad shoulder, but I thought I might have to.  Mum knew to cross her arms, but it was only after a few unsuccessful attempts that I realised she was keeping her legs straight! No wonder I was struggling.  I got her half up and we both fell on the bed.  Eventually, after a lot of struggling, she managed to get into bed properly but they really should provide the family with training on how to lift someone.

Anyway thank goodness she was okay, but we seem to be going backwards.  She was starting to manage in the night, but her leg has been playing up the last few days and she has been having trouble standing.  Painkillers are not helping so it may be connected with her stroke – I have been reading about post stroke pain – and if it is that there is apparently not much they can do about it!  Looks like we are back to some disturbed nights again.

Reminiscing

Had a really nice evening with mum tonight, reminiscing about old times, childhood friends, past family members, family holidays, work and the life she used to live.  It was so nice sharing memories and just having a chat.

Over the past few years I have been so angry with her for growing old and for not making more of an effort to keep active.  I was forever complaining that if she sat in her chair all day she would lose her mobility, which of course she did.  So I considered myself lucky to have been given an opportunity to  restore our friendship.

Over the last few weeks I have actually had a serious shift in perspective.  Seeing mum so vulnerable and dependent after her stroke came as a huge shock.  No one should ever be in that position, being totally reliant on others, tube fed, suffering from frightening bouts of paranoia and confusion and worried about your future. Plus one of the worse things about getting old is that you lose most of your friends, so there are very few people left who remember the real you.

I wonder if my anger with her was all part of a grief process – knowing that I was losing the mum that I wanted her to be and fearing the role swap?