Now the arguments have started.
Mum has to sell her house to pay for her care. There is a way to avoid this – if I do her care 24 hours, but I need to work and, having been a carer most of my life I know only too well that it will be too much for me to take on full time. We have chosen the cheapest option anyway by moving in with me and have already sacrificed the ground floor of our house and most of our privacy with all the carers, social worker and therapists coming in and out when they want using the keysafe!
She could rent her house, but it would need refurbishing and neither she or I can afford to do that. We have already loaned her all of our savings to get a new boiler and replace the kitchen, but the upstairs still needs doing. We now have the additional costs of food and laundry, electricity etc now she has moved in and anyway any rent will not be enough to cover her care costs, so that option is out.
In the meantime, we are hoping the Council will agree to defer payments for the full cost of her care (her house is now seen as an asset) until the house is sold as she is currently on a low income.
Meanwhile my brother has been sending emails offering investment advice. Clearly I misinterpreted his email as I read it that he was trying to release some of the money for the family, and now he has gone off on one and will no longer speak to mum, accusing her of being selfish (I put it more politely than he did). My daughter and son also thought his proposals were good and I am stuck in the middle trying to resolve everything.
Mum doesnt want to think about investment and said no. My thoughts are that she hasnt even got her house on the market yet – and understandably wants to hang on closely to her money and to be able to see it in the bank (she has an App on her phone and checks her balance every day, despite not being able to use the phone to make or answer calls!). She may change her mind, who knows, but it is up to her what she does – she could give it all away to some stranger if she wanted (hopefully not! and I now have Lasting Power of Attorney so can at least try and protect her from any scams) but she has the right to say no.
She worked really hard to buy her home. We lost everything when my dad got Parkinsons Disease – his business and our home – and ended up in a council flat which then had rain leaking in in every bedroom and carbon monoxide fumes in their bedroom (fortunately they had moved into the loft because of the water so avoided potentially dying in their sleep). She then took a GCE and got herself a full time job and also worked nights in a burger bar to save a deposit to buy her own house. Since then, as the only breadwinner, struggled to maintain the house over the years. Any money she may receive now should go towards making her life as comfortable as possible. Yes it should be invested wisely, to meet her future care costs and hopefully leave some for the family, but she hasn’t got any yet! Early days!